


Am I in your head, Half as often as you're on my mind? (If I don't make sense, Please, forgive me, I can't sleep at night)

by supernxva23



Series: more than meets the eye (breathe, carrie, breathe) [9]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Pre-Redemption, ambiguous ghoslty meddling, and decided to do 1x01 through 1x08, and pre stand tall performance, baby is bitter, carrie's thoughts, i see carrie wilson once and immediately adopt, so i did stand tall carrie's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27094297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernxva23/pseuds/supernxva23
Summary: Suddenly, Julie is everywhere.  The assembly, the dance, the coffee shop show, and even in her YouTube recommended. She can’t get away from her and eventually she notices an ache making a home in her chest.---a look into carrie's head, 1x01- the beginning of 1x09
Relationships: Carrie Wilson & Julie Molina
Series: more than meets the eye (breathe, carrie, breathe) [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1938343
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	Am I in your head, Half as often as you're on my mind? (If I don't make sense, Please, forgive me, I can't sleep at night)

**Author's Note:**

> no one:  
> absolutely no one:  
> me: i-  
> everyone: yes we know you love carrie, you never shut up about carrie, we get it!!!

Carrie had done her best to push Julie to the back of her mind. It got easier to do as Julie turned from a bright light into a grey area that floats from class to class. Only ever noticing her out of the corner of her eye and being over-run by the need to jab at her, knock her out of the haze she’s been in almost a year.

But Carrie can’t devote all her time into trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. And then, the spirit rally happened, with her crew the stars of the show swiftly being outdone by her ex-best friend suddenly singing and playing piano again along with a hologram band.

Now, she’d never tell anyone this, but she thought they were impressive. She might’ve though, if the circumstances were different, if it wasn’t Julie as the front-man, if they didn’t perform right after her and steal the spotlight. If Carrie wasn’t angry before, she sure as hell was now.

Julie, the girl who she use to confide in, tell all her worries and fears to, who, for the past year was reserved and quiet, decides now is the perfect time to break out of her passive state and shine so bright that she’s all anyone can see. All that Carrie can see.

Suddenly, Julie is everywhere. The assembly, the dance, the coffee shop show, and even in her YouTube recommended. She can’t get away from her and eventually she notices an ache making a home in her chest. During every performance she sees she can barely contain her emotions. The rawness in Julie’s voice every time she starts off a song hits Carrie in her gut.

But she can hold it in, she won’t let herself be consumed by Julie Molina. The only time she goes out of her way to see Julie and band is out of pettiness. Finding out about the garage performance through her Dirty Candy girls, walking in on them all talking about it. Seething over that fact that she was the last to know, she makes her way over to the Molina’s, walking into the space like she belongs there.

She’s broken by Julie and her band. So much time and effort put into her baby, Dirty Candy. Exhaustion and burning out doing her absolute best. And for what? To have all her hard work overshadowed so easily? She despises Julie Molina.

Standing next to Nick, who is vibing along with the crowd, she simmers in her anger. When she leaves after the performance and gets home, she wipes her face and finds tears she wasn’t aware of had shed. Carrie walks up to her room and fishes out an old shoebox from under her bed.

It’s been years two years since she last looked into it. The box is filled with a few things: the only handful of photos she has left of her mom, a CD containing a song her dad had written for her when she was a baby, and most painful of all, things that remind her of Julie. An old notebook, the latter pages filled with half written songs about her. A beaded necklace Julie had made for her birthday when they were 8, and lastly, polaroids.

Photos of the two from throughout their friendship. Unflattering pictures from birthdays and Christmases. A full family photo of the Molina’s with Carrie stuck in between them. Carrie has to take a breath before she continues, knowing what the next photo would be.

A snapshot of Carrie and Julie with Julie’s mom in the middle, the two girls on either side of her pressing their cheeks to hers. Eyes shut and wide grins fill the frame. Gazing at it for a minute she scrubs her hand over her face before gently putting the pictures back into the box along with the necklace.

When Carrie goes to put the notebook away too, an urge to open it rises. But she can’t, not now. Even looking through these mementos was too much. A bad idea, she decides. Composing herself, she shoves the box back under her bed. She won’t let her feelings ruin her. 

She’ll go on acting like everything is fine. Julies’ not worth her tears anymore, she can get by on her own. Trust no one and you don’t have to worry about anyone but yourself. Standing on your own is lonely, but necessary.

A few days later, Carrie s scrolling through her YouTube and sees Julie’s video from their last performance. She scowls but still clicks on it. Hate watching her as she enraptures the crowd. Envy brewing even as her dad enters and asks about the song, saying it’s sounds good.

Carrie is in disbelief as he leans in to watch the video then makes a call and gets himself and Carrie into the Orpheum. She reluctantly goes up to her room to pick out an outfit last minute, she had to do a double-take. On her bed is the notebook from her shoebox, which she was sure she put away.

She does a quick sweep of her room, bathroom and closet, thinking some one was in here but finds no one in sight. Her dad never comes in her room so she’s a little shaken. ‘I mean, I could’ve left it out…’ Carrie thinks. She has been overly exhausted this week, barely sleeping, so it’s possible.

Carrie moves to grab it but as she does, it teeters on the edge of her bed and falls, landing open to page on the floor. Reaching to pick it up she catches the word at the top of the page, ‘Sunflower’ it says. Carrie feels a rush of cold surround her.

Her eyes automatically look over the last line she’s worked so hard to forget. **‘thoughts of you turn sour, i miss when you were my sunflower.’** She slams the notebook shut, throwing it under the bed as her breathing gets heavier with emotion.

Shaking out her shift in mood, she collects herself and finds a dress to wear. Leaving her room with one last suspicious look at it, she walks down the stairs to join her dad.

Carrie doesn’t expect much to happen at the show, but one things for sure, she’s not ready for what’s to come.

**Author's Note:**

> so i loved my first fic  
> Epiphany
> 
> had to do a 1x01-1x08 + right before that fic starts  
> so i hope y'all liked it  
> i got a few more carrie fics to come so hold tight  
> i also love ambiguous ghostly meddling :)  
> title from Lost My Mind by Finneas, bc ouch.  
> love you all,  
> as always,
> 
> rose/nova


End file.
